| I wrote this a few
quarters ago to explain to someone how I viewd friendships.. Its kinda
refreshing rereading it, so I'll post it to share..
Friendships/Relationships
(Value in another
Person)
The way I constructed the idea: (A kid’s view)
As kids I remember having a friend that I enjoyed playing
with… simply speaking being in his company. It was better than being alone, and
that was all I needed to call him a friend… this is what I thought an idea of a
friendship was. Someone you enjoy having around and it beats being alone.
Children or people in general want to feel accepted. And how do we accomplish
this as kids? By being friends with people who will accept you for who you are.
Someone who will care about you in return shows that they accept you. They love
your personality when you are content and they would go out of their way to
keep you content just so they can keep enjoying your company. Seems simple
enough, however when you live in a world such as ours where cynicism takes its
role in relationships or just the idea of it our simple ideas may become
convoluted. Selfishness, people do things if it benefits themselves. If they
can get something out of it, they will do it; otherwise there is no incentive
to do it. You can take the most unselfish deed in the world and say it’s
selfish because you are just doing it for your own satisfaction of doing it and
it destroys the benign concept of friendship. Friendship in definition is
supposed to be unselfish. But how can you have friendship without selfishness?
I believe this thinking leads to destruction, but isn’t it reality? Then why do
I need friends? This leads to a more important idea… relationships. How can I
have relationships if I do not understand friendships?
The only way to understand my concept of relationships is to
know my experience in relationships. In middle school, relationships were a big
thing. It was part of the “school culture” if you will. Being together with
someone meant that you did not have to worry about feeling accepted, and that
is what it’s all about in junior high, right?! All your problems were solved
socially. It’s also when hormones are raging. Boys become interested in girls but
girls aren’t yet interested in boys and so in effect boys have trouble making
girls feel the same way and that’s when the whole concept of girls being a
totally higher race than boys occurs, which pisses me off till this day.
Anyways, I had this mind set, so to make a long story short I got a girlfriend.
Which totally meant that I did not have to worry about walking down the halls
alone any more. But that was the end of it, that was the only thing I found
useful in a relationship during that time, and so I broke up with her when I
realized that was all she was good for. I did not second thought it, I just did
it. High school was a bit different, I don’t know how to really explain it
without sounding arrogant. Only explanation I have is that girls at this age
have more of the feeling to feel accepted. I think it’s at this age where being
“pretty” or being “sexy” is being emphasized in the media. Sounds like social
class huh? But that’s the only thing I can come up with. Anyways, girls began to
take interest in me. And it felt good, im not going to lie to you, I’ll say it
again. Being liked by girls felt great. It was a simple pleasure, it made you
feel worth something, it made you feel special, but more importantly it made
you feel desired for. And so I hooked up with a few, I messed around with a
few, and I broke up with a few. So what right? Its highschool, it happens all
the time! But what I didn’t know was the underlying repercussions of all those
actions. The coldness it brought to my senses, the stale emotions it caused
later on. Its not until you actually find someone worth loving that you realize
what you have done to yourself. When you finally realize what the word “love”
means to you, you see these things. You “love” someone, but what does that
mean? I can do all the actions to show I love someone, but that is all…
physically. Love to me is more than physical its spiritual… its emotional…
wouldn’t you agree? When you fully
realize this, there is no way you would expect anything less of it. You cant
find another person and say, I will love you half way, or.. I will love you
3/4ths. When you love someone, its either you do or you don’t. Thinking about
this made me realize how I constructed love. The love that is worth loving and
worth reaching for. From my experience first and foremost love I experienced
truly is God’s love for me… “Agape” love, which means he will love me
unconditionally, no matter what. Next is my mothers love for me, and then my
own love for myself. This leads to… how can I expect a love so deep from
someone else and be able to return something unconditionally if I have already
experienced “conditional” love… rejection. I believe so many people do not have
the capacity to truly love someone that is imperfect. And in effect you begin
to build a barrier of ice around your heart. That is the repercussions of
fallen relationships whether you know it or not. For some reason I know that
barrier is there and to me it seems impossible to break. Its like when Adam
took that fruit and ate it in the Garden of Eden … he knew of evil and there
was no way of turning back. That is why I value innocence and sometimes become
envious. Those people still can experience the true value of love in a
relationship. Love is not love if it can disappear, don’t call it love, call it
something else.
-Mark |
